We learn karate so that we can defend ourselves, our families, and to aid in law enforcement and order. We never use it unless we are forced to use it. We never use it to instigate situations.

Physical power does not always win battles, nor should it be the only method to deal with conflicts. In the real world, conflicts and confrontations can be, depending on your job, a daily occurrence.

Karate can help a person better deal with conflicts by giving students the ability to leverage the things they learn about control, relaxation, speed, power, and mental aptitude.

Appear centered and calm, breathe. Control your own emotional response.

Often times, we allow our emotions to take over, which will always escalate the situation. We may have some emotional attachment to the situation; our beliefs or ideals may be in question.

Allow time, listen and acknowledge the anger, let them know you see that something is wrong. Be personable (a real human being).

The person you are facing may have a legitimate gripe. Simply acknowledging your mistake and promising to correct it and take responsibility for the situation if it is your fault can dissolve the situation more quickly than turning a deaf ear.

Lower your voice, tone, pitch, and tempo.

This provides a verbal reinforcement that you are calm and not attempting to escalate the situation. It is a well-practiced technique in managing conflicts.

Allow full expression of needs and grievances when appropriate.

Sometimes people need to vent. Your friend, for example, may be having a bad day and may be taking it out on you. Sometimes it is necessary for people to vent their frustrations, and although it is not fair that you are the target, it is still better than coming to blows with someone.

Do not be defensive; avoid a battle.

Taking a defensive approach in any situation, whether it is because of pride or an emotional attachment to something, immediately causes others to believe that you are either lazy, apathetic, or indifferent to their needs or desires. It also shows that you are immature, and you will most like then see yourself involved in a most immature type of conflict.

Do not talk over them when someone is yelling. Wait until a breath is taken and speak in the quiet seconds.

Interrupting someone is a very inappropriate thing to do. It’s plain rude. We spend time telling our children not to interrupt others, and yet we are prone to do so because we believe so strongly in our cause that we feel we must use every last breath to prove our point.

Let the other person expense his or her air, and then propose your contrary position. Even the biggest windbag will run out of air eventually.

Clear up misunderstandings and respond to valid complaints.

This goes hand in hand with the second point. If you have caused the situation to be in its current form, you must do your part to resolve it and accept your responsibilities. If you are a manager, you must show your willingness to “go to bat” for someone if they are truly in the right. Conflict is often caused by frustration brought on by things outside your control, but you may be able to provide a solution to solve the problem.

Respond selectively; only answer informational questions, not abusive ones.

It’s important to keep track of the original argument. Some people like to use abusive statements or questions in an attempt to win an argument. Simply stating “I’m not going to discuss that” or “We need to focus on the situation at hand” will often snap a conversation back on track.

Always be respectful, never judgmental.

If a person detects a condescending tone, they will get the impression that you aren’t taking them seriously, which could cause them to move the situation to a more serious level. You must always respect someone, no matter how angry they become at you. Even in you know they are wrong, you should never call them on it. You might find ways for them to discover they are wrong, but you should never point it out.

Ask what would be helpful to regain control or repair the situation.

Be genuine with this one. If you have the power to fix something, do it. Do not bring up excuses why something can’t be done. Ask them what they would suggest. It will calm them down and catch them off-guard, and you may actually get goo suggestions as well. Save excuses for a more calm time.

Allow extra physical space. Do not touch.

Never touch anyone. Ever. You don’t know what they know, and you don’t know if they have a weapon, a bad temper, or anything about them, other than the fact that they are really angry and want something changed. Allowing them more space allows them to feel less constricted and trapped.

Know when to stop trying, terminate the meeting if possible, call backup or security.

Some conflicts are not going to be brought down. It’s not always your responsibility to end a conflict. If you can’t control the situation, allow someone else to do so. Simply ask the person to leave until they can calm down, or have them escorted out by security if possible.

Never turn your back.

Don’t do this even for a second. Not only is it disrespectful, but it’s dangerous.

The key to everything is to be calm, relaxed, and in control, just as you would with any punch, kick, block, counter, or other technique.